After attempting to do my taxes, I was sick of thinking, so I watched No Strings Attached with Oscar Winner™ Natalie Portman. Here are some obligatory feelings: Natalie Portman is awful. Did you hear she didn’t thank her body double? And that she’s pregnant? Ew, I hate her and her pregnancy glow. Mindy Kaling and the other roommate are just super funny, I like them so much better, someone give them their own movie, maybe it would be actually funny, etc.

After getting that out of the way, I’d like to say several things. Natalie Portman is better at playing funny, simplistic roles – she should accept that. Girl is good at being crude, and I think she’s often mis-cast.

Most importantly, I did not have a problem with the idea of the “Period Mix.” I did not find this offensive because I wish a lot of the dudes in my life would acknowledge that a period is something that happens in my life every month. If somebody did that for me, I’d like to think that my sense of humor would at least allow me to appreciate the effort. I also think it’s vastly more practical to give someone carrots than flowers, because at least you can use them. I did not think the Valentine’s date portion of the movie looked like an unpleasant way to spend time. It was cheesy, but my life has been so void of cheese lately that this movie was sort of like drunk cheese - like when you come home and your fridge is empty except for a block of sharp cheddar, so you sit on your couch with a knife and you eat it, because why not? It was not the worst thing.

Would it have been better if Mindy Kaling were the star? Yes, but really, what movie wouldn’t have been? Black Swan? Nope, that too.